Date: Sun, Mar 11, 2012 at 8:55 AM
Subject: Advertising Inquiry
I am the assistant director of advertising and childcare for a magazine called Death Panel. In light of recent events, we are very interested in advertising on the Rush Limbaugh Program. We agree with Rush that he has been unfairly targeted by a cadre of National Socialist feminists. Aren't those the worst kind? And as a Catholic with over 50 cousins, my family puts a high premium on never ever using birth control, even when we have no idea how we'll take care of the van-load of screaming brats we already have. (Plus, who wants to bag it up anyway? Feels like wearing snowpants.)
But let's cut to the chase. I understand that you may have a few vacant advertising spots available at a bargain price. We are a small operation and our advertising budget isn't very much, but I assure you, we fit right in with the Excellence in Broadcasting banner. Please send us your current rates and we'll talk figures. Money figures.
We look forward to doing business with you.
Department of Advertising and Childcare
Death Panel Press LLC
"Where the meat falls off the bone."